


no wise words gonna stop the bleeding

by untilweyeetagain



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: ANGST!!, F/M, Introspection, Post-The Lightning Thief (Percy Jackson), hurt! luke castellan, kind of a character study?, reader is only mentioned, so much angst!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:02:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23926588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/untilweyeetagain/pseuds/untilweyeetagain
Summary: after his girlfriend refuses to join the rebellion against olympus, luke reflects on their relationship and the pain she left him with. songfic.
Relationships: Luke Castellan/Reader
Kudos: 25





	no wise words gonna stop the bleeding

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to this song and then this idea came to me and I just had to write it,, the lyrics fit Luke so well imo, so pls enjoy the first songfic ive ever written
> 
> song - breakeven by the script

_ I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing _

_ Just praying to a god that I don't believe in _

_ 'Cause I got time while she got freedom _

_ 'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even _

It had been a few months since he’d last seen her, last held her, last breathed in the earthy scent that seemed to cling to her skin from days of gardening. Those months had been torturous for him, being unable to be near her, unable to even Iris-Message her, because he knew what she’d do the second he called. (Not that he would even use Iris-Messaging as a means of communication - he had cut all ties with the gods of Olympus, excluding those who had chosen to join the rebellion.)

_ Her best days will be some of my worst _

_ She finally met a man that's gonna put her first _

_ While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping _

_ 'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even, no _

He had thought that his heart had been thoroughly torn apart when she had first broken up with him, calling him  _ a monster, a disgusting excuse for a demigod, an ungrateful child for not seeing what the gods had given them all _ . He soon found out, however, that there were still remnants of his heart that had remained intact after that, because they were destroyed when word reached him through his spies that she had found another. 

The thought tormented him at night, leaving him to lay awake for countless sleepless nights wondering why her new boyfriend was good enough but he wasn’t, just because he could see the flaws in their parents’ ways and was willing to do something about it. He had rarely slept in the past forever, unable to succumb to sleep until he was close to death from exhaustion, but even then, his sleep was filled with their last interaction, scenes of her screaming at him, pushing him away, breaking his heart playing over and over again.

_ What am I supposed to do _

_ When the best part of me was always you? _

_ And what am I supposed to say _

_ When I'm all choked up and you're OK? _

_ I'm falling to pieces _

_ I'm falling to pieces _

Luke missed her. He missed her so much. He missed her warmth, and her smile, how she could bring out the best in him just by being in his vicinity. He missed the times when she would drag him out to the fields and just lie there in the sun, her head in his lap as he carded his fingers through her hair. He missed the way she would natter his head off about the things she was interested in, or that week’s Demeter cabin drama - despite any outward appearances, they fell out an awful lot. He missed talking to her, and holding her, and kissing her. He missed her.

_ They say bad things happen for a reason _

_ But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding _

_ 'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving _

_ And when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even, no _

The thing that hurt worse than the ache in his heart for her was that he knew that she would be doing these things now with someone who wasn’t him. While he was here, struggling to make through each day without her by his side, she was out there doing with another the things they used to do, the things he wished they would still do.

_ And what am I gonna do _

_ When the best part of me was always you? _

_ And what am I supposed to say _

_ When I'm all choked up and you're OK? _

He didn’t know how to function without her. They had been together for years before she broke his heart - he could scarcely remember his life before she was in it. It was like his body was shutting down without her there. The only reason he struggled through his days was the fear of what would happen to him if he didn’t, if he couldn’t do what was required of him.

_ I'm falling to pieces _

_ I'm falling to pieces _

_ I'm falling to pieces _

_ (One still in love while the other one's leaving) _

_ I'm falling to pieces _

_ ('Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even) _

It seemed unfair, in Luke’s eyes, that she was able to pick herself up so quickly and carry on with her life when he was falling apart without her there to hold him together. He knew that she was fine, that she was happy, because he had asked his spies inside camp to keep an eye on her. He knew that while he was still grieving their relationship months later, it had only a few weeks for her to get over him. 

_ Oh, you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain _

_ You took your suitcase, I took the blame _

_ Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains _

_ 'Cause you left me with no love and no love to my name _

It angered him, how quickly she had found another. It angered him, the fact that she didn’t follow his path, that she could not see the truth in his words when he had told her why he was rising up against the gods. No, he was ‘a monster’, and it was his fault that their relationship had fallen apart as spectacularly as it had.

_ I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing _

_ Just praying to a god that I don't believe in _

_ 'Cause I got time while she got freedom _

_ 'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break _

_ No, it don't break _

_ No, it don't break even, no _

Luke needed her, more than he needed the air he breathed, and she had left him behind without a second thought. His heart yearned for her, loved her in spite of the pain she caused him, but the rest of him was angry. Angry that she got to move on, free from pain, while he was trapped in bittersweet memories of their time together, heart breaking over and over until there was nothing left to break.

_ What am I gonna do _

_ When the best part of me was always you? _

_ And what am I supposed to say _

_ When I'm all choked up and you're OK? _

_ (Oh glad you're okay now) _

He was angry because of the pain she had caused him, but he could never be angry at her. No, he was angry at the gods, the ones that she felt were worth more than their love, the ones she had left him in order to defend when they had done fuck all to help any of their kids. He was angry, and he was going to get revenge on the gods that had torn his girl from him if it was the last thing he did. 

_ I'm falling to pieces _

_ I'm falling to pieces _

_ (Oh, I'm falling, falling) _

_ I'm falling to pieces _

_ (One still in love while the other one's leaving) _

_ I'm falling to pieces _

_ ('Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even) _

_ Oh, it don't break even, no _

_ Oh, it don't break even, no _

_ Oh, it don't break even, no  _


End file.
